Beat the bullies
By: Keith Travis
Children who are bullied can still experience negative effects on their physical and mental health more than 40
years later, say researchers from King's College London.
Their study tracked 7,771 children born in 1958 from the age of seven until 50.
Those bullied frequently as children were at an increased risk of depression and anxiety, and more likely to
report a lower quality of life at 50.
I see many people every week who have problems that are seated in bullying in the past.
What you learn in childhood especially around the ages of 6 to 9 sets up your survival tactics for the rest of
What do I mean by this?
Well, your subconscious is always trying to protect and look after you. When you are bullied as a child your
subconscious remembers this and then reacts to or avoids new situations based on what it learned.
So for instance if you were bullied at school by a teacher who maybe kept picking on you and humiliated you in
front of the class. You may now not like to stand up and talk in front of other people because your
subconscious remembers the humiliation in front of the class and so says to you subconsciously “Remember what
happened then? Best avoid that situation because you may feel hurt again” you then remain quiet in social
situations because you don’t want to get what could be unfavourable attention.
Bullying from the past can really dent your confidence, give you low self esteem, harm present relationships
and generally make you feel low.
Being bullied as an adult
If you were in a relationship where your partner was for ever putting you down or trying to control you, then
you could become conditioned to believe you are not worthy, you are stupid, or unable to cope without them.
When you eventually leave them and start a new relationship the new partner could say something quite
innocently like “Where have you been?” Just being interested or maybe worried about where you were.
Because of the first controlling relationship this question can sound like
“Where have you been? I demand to know everything you have been doing and who you have been doing it with”
which was not the intention of the question.
Because of a previous bad experience your subconscious goes into a protection mode because this sounds similar
to what happened before “And you know what happened then don’t you?”
How can you stop the feeling of still being bullied?
One method that I use is the Rewind technique and it works remarkably quickly, usually in a single session.
As an example a lady came to see me who was aged 72. She had been bullied by a teacher at school who would ask
her questions in front of the class that she had no idea what the answer was. The teacher would also make
remarks about her that would leave her feeling humiliated in front of the class.
We established what the 3 worst incidents were and proceeded to use the Rewind technique.
Afterwards the lady who was crying when she originally told me about these events was now beaming and with a
big smile on her face she said to me “You don’t know how good that feels to get that off my chest” The memories
no longer had a hold on her and the bully who had long ago died no longer had control of her.
I said to her how long had that been affection you and she said “Sixty years”
Yes we had ended 60 years of feeling bullied in a one hour long session.
Once you home in on the events that originally caused the problem using the Rewind technique you do not have
the subconscious reaction to events that are in some way similar now. You then don’t need to do the avoidance
tactics, the anxiety states and the unwanted behaviour that you used to have.
The Rewind technique can be used for trauma, phobias, and many other conditions. It does not involve reliving
the original memory or any uncomfortable feelings.
It can release and neutralise emotions in as little as one session that other therapies such as CBT may take
months or years to deal with.