Help to end self sabotage
By: Keith Travis
Help to end self sabotage
Many people have the belief about them, “I am not good enough”
Whether it’s at work,, in relationships, or maybe as a parent. Many of us will experience this debilitating
thought from time to time. The part of them that believes this, uses the thought to stop them getting close to
success, because the closer they get to success, the closer they get to being unsafe in some way.
The subconscious part of their mind is always trying to look after them. The intention is good, but
unfortunately the outcome is bad. So for instance they may see a job advertised which they consciously know
they can do, but subconsciously a voice says “you are not good enough” they then don’t apply for the job and
miss out on maybe, earning more money in a job that is more satisfying
So, what can you do?
Find the part of you that has this belief
The thought “I'm not good enough” usually stems from a negative experience from the past, as we are not born
with that belief.
Once you find out where that thought came from you can start to work on it for a better outcome.
So, take some time to think back to the first time you felt you weren't good enough - perhaps you weren't
chosen for something at school, or you said or did something which from other peoples reaction made you feel
silly or upset. Think about what was said to you and how it made you feel.
Re-asses the experience
There’s a good chance that back when you had this first experience, you weren't able to fully express your
emotions. Because when we are young and have little world experience we cant judge others opinions and what
they say and do very well.
When the emotions from that experience take hold we then adapt coping strategies with the intention of keeping
us safe from a similar negative experience.
For instance “They laughed at me when I said xxxxx, so if I don’t say anything about anything now, they won’t
laugh at me and I can stay safe”
The intention is good (to stay safe) but the outcome (you don’t maybe voice an opinion) is bad.
Just run through that original negative experience now, but using all the worldly knowledge and experience you
have today re-asses the experience in positive way.
For instance, close your eyes and see that original negative experience then at the end of the experience re
evaluate it with what you know now.
So, original experience (Little you said something and they laughed), you felt silly.
New original experience (“Little you” said something they laughed) “Big you”, now realises that their reaction
was only their opinion,
they sometimes said silly things, some people just like to make fun of others, to make themselves feel better
and to make themselves feel superior. (That’s what jokes are quite often based on, a feeling of superiority
over the person in the joke)
People like that are just not worth getting upset about.
Teach yourself new beliefs
Once you have set these emotions free you can begin to teach yourself a new belief, “I am good enough”. Some
people find affirmations helpful, some people ask themselves what evidence I have to support the thought “I am
not good enough”.
Try to find evidence that you are not good enough
Get a pen and paper, put a line down the middle and at the top left write “Evidence that I am not good enough”
try as hard as you can to write down “the evidence”
Make sure it is evidence and not just a belief.
At top right put “Evidence that I am good enough”
I am sure you will come up with much more evidence on the right than on the left.
Start on the right with “I am good enough to know, that I had a problem and am doing something about it!